So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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