Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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