My friends, they love my intelligence
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
