And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
