You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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