she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Operation Purity has been aborted
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
