What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
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Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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