i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
