i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
