The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
