You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
