yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
