So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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