I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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