i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
