What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
