I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
