Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
