no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
