I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize