haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
