i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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