I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
