Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i dont even know how to be here
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
