The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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