your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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