You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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