chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
