i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
