i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
