the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
