one two three fourrrrnication!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
