4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
