Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
