My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
