Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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