I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
