he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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