i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
