she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
