we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
