I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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