Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
