So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
