The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
