well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
