I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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