I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
