also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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