forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
