hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
