I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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