I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
