i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
