you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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