well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
