He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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