She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Randomize
