There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
