Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
