What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
