Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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