Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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