so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
